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Five Ways To Christmas Shop While Being Broke

Updated: Dec 15, 2019



Christmas is here, and you made terrible financial decisions all year, as always. Instead of cooking at home, you spent way more than your food budget allowed for tacos three times a week. Unfortunately, now you’re in a position where you have to attempt to shop for everyone on your list with the budget of a newborn baby. Let’s look at five ways to Christmas shop while being broke.


5. Hit Up The Dollar Store

Nothing says cheap Chinese knock-off like hitting up the dollar store to find items that look like they will break just by sneezing in their general direction.


However, you can walk out with a handful of stuff that you can pass off as “it’s the thought that counts” if you put even a single brain cell into each gift.

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4. Peruse The Thrift Store

The older someone gets, the more acceptable it is to get them clothes. What better place to find clothes than at a thrift store? Wash it really well and spray it with enough smell-good chemicals to kill a full-grown elephant and package it as if you just hit up a high-end clothing retailer.


3. Buy Materials

You can always get cheap materials in order to make stuff on your own. Unfortunately, you slept through your home economics class, so the best thing you can make is a 4x4 square inch of fabric. Play your cards right and try to stitch a name and a heart onto it and you'll really be onto something.


2. Shop On Craigslist

Why go to a nice store when you can shop online at a place where you can possibly get stabbed and robbed? This is the price you'll pay for your terrible financial decision-making. Make sure any sales or hand-offs are done in the safety of a public area. If they tell you to meet them in a dark alley, then that MIGHT be a red flag.


1. Be The Annoying Person With Coupons

When all else fails, be the annoying person who holds up the line with clearly expired coupons. You knew they were expired. It’s right there, written in plain English. You just want to speak to the manager and try to get free stuff. Make sure you wear the appropriate short-style haircut when attempting this, or you won’t be taken seriously.


Follow these simple tips and you’re on your way to lying through your teeth with “I put a lot of thought into this.”


Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays,

From the Cheviot Gazette.

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